Everyone copes with adversity differently. The coping mechanisms we adopt are not always healthy for our bodies or our souls.
When I am standing face-to-face with a problem, I go through stages of coping. At first, I feel panic, but very quickly, defensiveness takes over. It is at this point, one of two things happen. One, I face it head on, no matter what the consequences. Or, two, I turn and run, avoiding it altogether. Being that I am a person who absolutely despises confrontations, many times I choose number two.
Over the past few months, I have been trying to face every situation no matter how difficult it is, because I know that avoidance is not a positive coping strategy, and the problem will remain.
Others choose to cope by abusing food or alcohol or drugs. Those who cope with these strategies know that they are not healthy, but they haven't learned how to find any other way. Once you know that coping is learned, and that you can only learn to cope if you are willing to try different things, your original coping mechanisms will take a back seat and you will be able to cope more effectively.
Some suggestions that were forwarded to me and that I have tried are:
1. Write down a list of all of your positive attributes (compassionate, outgoing, loving, etc) Once you have that list, write a paragraph about yourself using those words. Then, every day, for a week, read that paragraph to yourself. This will reinforce, in your own mind, that you are stronger than you think you are.
2. Think about the last situation you had to face. How did you cope with it? Now, write down alternate ways you could have coped with it.
3. Play the "What If" game: think about a situation you are afraid to deal with. Write down each reason you are afraid. Now say "what if" in front of each thing you wrote down. (what if...they don't understand?) Then you answer that question, which will lead to another what if, etc) In the end, you will have faced all of the negative that might come up when you face the actual problem.
4. Be honest with yourself. If you are afraid, don't say you aren't. If you are nervous, let it be known. If you are sorry, don't put up a defensive wall. If you can't be honest with yourself, you will not be able to be honest with anyone. Being vulnerable is not a bad thing. It enables you to see your own flaws, the mistakes you have made, etc. and then you are able to find positive ways to cope and get rid of the negativity in your life.
I hope some of these suggestions help you like they have helped me. And, if you have a suggestion of your own, please post it. Everyone needs help at some point, and your advice just might be the help they need : )
